Monday, August 15, 2005

Andrew's Chilli Recipie

Andrew’s Chilli Recipe.

One Onion
One Green Pepper
One tin of plum tomatoes (not chopped)
One dollop of tomato puree
1lb Mince (or half a bag of Soya chunks)
Salt, pepper, sugar
One fresh or pickled chilli
A gob full of red wine.

Bung the mince in a pan with a very very small amount of oil, have the heat on about 7/10. Buy the leanest meat you can, always get it form a butchers. If you’re using soya chunks skip this bit and boil a kettle or whatever it is you do to rehydrate your soya. When the mince is browned drain off the fat, you don’t want any of that stuff to spoil the taste of your masterpiece.
Hack the crap out of the onion and pepper and chuck the mangled lumps in with the browed meat and moosh it all around until the peppers and onion bits have started to soften, but only a little.
Turn the heat down to about 3, this is a slow meal don’t be rushing yourself now.
Sling in a healthy pinch of salt and pepper, and give it a good mooshing round.
Now get your chilli (make it a fairly biggun) and cut it up as small as you can, it’s best to do it on a saucer so that you can easily tip the lot into the mix. Remember to wash your hands after this bit or you could do yourself a mischief later on, especially if you are a fella and you take a trip to check your personal plumbing. It’s really important to use a fresh or pickled chilli, that powered stuff is crap, don’t insult your taste buds by even glancing at the jars in the supermarket, just mutter under your breath and move right on to the fresh vegetables section and grab a decent looking real chilli.
Now open the tin of plum tomatoes and using a sharp knife hack around inside the tin like Jason hacks around at a slumber party, although if you’re wearing a mask then take it off, the obscured vision could lead to severed fingers, and you’ll be needing those fingers later, well for the rest of your life in fact.
Slop the tin of hacked up plum tomatoes into your saucepan, making sure not to accidentally tip in any fingers that may have become ‘loosened’ by your knifing activities. If you spot any largish lumps of tomato that survived the onslaught, toy with them then cut them to shreds right there in the pan.
Using a desert spoon whack a healthy sized dollop of tomato puree in into your saucepan, whiz the spoon around inside the pan to get every last bit off.
Bung in a pinch of sugar.
If you are using Soya chunks now is the time to bung them into the mix.
Optional, but pouring in about a third of a glass of red wine and it really adds to the rounded taste.
Well you’re about done now, put a lid on the saucepan and return every ten minutes or so and give the whole lot a good jabbing with your spoon. Leave it for at least an hour before serving, but the longer you leave it the better it gets. If you can then double up the quantities here and make a batch for the freezer, this chilli always tastes better when it’s been in the freezer for a few weeks.

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