Tuesday, August 16, 2005

heat bad, make andrew mad

Okay the joke's over, c'mon, out from behind the bush, time to call an end to it, we've all had enough of heat for one year. For crap's sake when will this heat end? I'm English, and as such not cut out for sitting in a 35oC office with the ambient light so intense I simply can't see clearly enough to type. It's insane, and if another person says, "oh I just love the summer" I'm going to twat them with my upright fan (while it's still on full blast and minus the saftey guard).

The heat makes me cranky, it fugs my mind, it's like being inside some sort of intense stupifying oven. I swear I've got nothing of any note done for about two months now. Heat saps my very ambition to do anything more than just sit and try to breath shallow. My freinds all think I'm just a whinger, but they get to go to work in offices with air-conditioning, I work at home and I'm trapped in this sweatbox 24/7. We got double glazing this year to try and combat the frosty winds that run right though our house in the depths of winter, I thought in my innocence that they would also keep the heat out as well as in, I guess I'm wrong. We live on top of a hill so I would at least expect some kind of breeze, we do have one, but guesss what, it's HOT.
What is this obsession with hot being good? I think part of the reason it annoys me so much is that I have no control over it. In the winter no matter how cold it gets you can warm up, when it's this hot in the summer there is nothing you can do other than condem your poor weak body to being cooked at unatural tempratures.
This isn't a new thing, I've felt this way every year for as long as I can remember. I even take my holidays to the beach in the depth of winter, everything is so much fresher and clearer when it's cold. The cold sharpens your senses, the heat just shuts them down.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Andrew's Chilli Recipie

Andrew’s Chilli Recipe.

One Onion
One Green Pepper
One tin of plum tomatoes (not chopped)
One dollop of tomato puree
1lb Mince (or half a bag of Soya chunks)
Salt, pepper, sugar
One fresh or pickled chilli
A gob full of red wine.

Bung the mince in a pan with a very very small amount of oil, have the heat on about 7/10. Buy the leanest meat you can, always get it form a butchers. If you’re using soya chunks skip this bit and boil a kettle or whatever it is you do to rehydrate your soya. When the mince is browned drain off the fat, you don’t want any of that stuff to spoil the taste of your masterpiece.
Hack the crap out of the onion and pepper and chuck the mangled lumps in with the browed meat and moosh it all around until the peppers and onion bits have started to soften, but only a little.
Turn the heat down to about 3, this is a slow meal don’t be rushing yourself now.
Sling in a healthy pinch of salt and pepper, and give it a good mooshing round.
Now get your chilli (make it a fairly biggun) and cut it up as small as you can, it’s best to do it on a saucer so that you can easily tip the lot into the mix. Remember to wash your hands after this bit or you could do yourself a mischief later on, especially if you are a fella and you take a trip to check your personal plumbing. It’s really important to use a fresh or pickled chilli, that powered stuff is crap, don’t insult your taste buds by even glancing at the jars in the supermarket, just mutter under your breath and move right on to the fresh vegetables section and grab a decent looking real chilli.
Now open the tin of plum tomatoes and using a sharp knife hack around inside the tin like Jason hacks around at a slumber party, although if you’re wearing a mask then take it off, the obscured vision could lead to severed fingers, and you’ll be needing those fingers later, well for the rest of your life in fact.
Slop the tin of hacked up plum tomatoes into your saucepan, making sure not to accidentally tip in any fingers that may have become ‘loosened’ by your knifing activities. If you spot any largish lumps of tomato that survived the onslaught, toy with them then cut them to shreds right there in the pan.
Using a desert spoon whack a healthy sized dollop of tomato puree in into your saucepan, whiz the spoon around inside the pan to get every last bit off.
Bung in a pinch of sugar.
If you are using Soya chunks now is the time to bung them into the mix.
Optional, but pouring in about a third of a glass of red wine and it really adds to the rounded taste.
Well you’re about done now, put a lid on the saucepan and return every ten minutes or so and give the whole lot a good jabbing with your spoon. Leave it for at least an hour before serving, but the longer you leave it the better it gets. If you can then double up the quantities here and make a batch for the freezer, this chilli always tastes better when it’s been in the freezer for a few weeks.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Toms Big Elevation/ SOMA/ The Wankers - Ipswich Steamboat 13/08/05

This is the second Gurl Rock night that the ER.... promoters have put on, and this one actually has bands that are predomninantly female, rather than bloke bands in dogy dresses! First up are The Wankers who entertain in a very 77 stylee with lyrics that the Mac Lads would be proud of. 'Singer' BoonDog stomps around forgetting how songs go, getting berated for being too drunk by the two girl guitarists (Klaire and Kris, it was 9pm by then!) and is generally the most genial and chipper frontman you'll ever see! SOMA are just bloody fantastic, they remind us of an old Ipswich band called Nemo, but they have more of a virtuoso edge, to say this lot are genius musicians would be the understatement of the century. They have some Stereolab/ Pixies moments but have a far more agressive edge, but with the most divine female vocals, enough to smash anyone's stone cold heart. Toms Big Elevation have travelled from France for tonight's gig, they were supposed to be doing a 6 date UK tour but four dates got cancelled, leaving just Norwich Ferryboat the night before this gig and the performance we're now stood grinning ear to ear in front of at the Ipswich Steamboat. Suppose they could have called it the boat tour or something... Right, just to get this bit of the review out of the way, the band is fronted by two georgous laydees, and I saw more than a few blokes in the audience look onward with that certain soppy teenage boy stare, they certainly made an impact on everyone. Everyone including the locals in the pub who spent a few minutes trying to chat them up (only getting blank looks from the girls in reply) till we decided to let them know they were French! The sounds they belted out sounded a bit Pixies/ Sonic Youth and dare I say it, Raincoats! They even did a cover of 'where is my head' by the aforementioned Pixies. They were fun, sexy, cheery and looked like they were having a great time. Felt a bit sorry for them having thier tour cut short but chatting to them afterwards they said they really had fun down at our little local venue boozer, and I guess that's what counts. Hope to see them come back soon!

There are some photos here - http://lawsie.com/Toms-Big-Elevation-Soma-The-Wankers.asp

Friday, August 12, 2005

Americanized Andrew

Someone wrote a review of my zine that I found today, and it accused me of being Americanized. I don't truthfully give a crap, but when you grow up between two of the largest USAF bases in Europe (bentwaters and woodbridge), have many american neighbours, work for an american bloke and spend a lot of time working on a USAF base (Lakenheath) then yet, you may find you pick up the occasional american word like 'trash'. Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me

can I get fit lazy please?

I've been trying to think of ways I can get a bit fitter without actually doing anything, I think I've cracked it! I've decided that each time I nip upstairs for a wee I'll do 15 star jumps. I've also decided it would be best to do them after I've washed my hands, otherwise I'll get plenty more exercise cleaning up.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Gym = Achey Breaky Legs

I've recently started going to the gym again, just for a bit of gentle exercise as I get none whatsoever during the day thanks to sitting in front of my laptop writing stuff like this! I was going about six months ago and kinda making up my exercise routine as I was going along, even on the weights machines. Little did I know that I was suffering a spinal injury and making it far worse than it was already. Well I say 'little did I know', but the agony was a bit of a giveaway that I might be doing something wrong! So six months further down the line I'm back at the gym but just on the cycle and walking machine (or wobbling machine when I'm on it). I've had a lot of treatment for my back now and am starting the long slow process of strengthing my knackered vertibre.

I quite enjoy going to the gym now that I've got a little routine going on. I load up my iPod shuffle, grab a decent book and sit on the cycling machine engrosed in my reading and music. My head is fairly unaware that my legs are pumping away at 120 rpm! I've even managed to master reading on the treadmill without falling off! I think I keep other people amused too, I'm reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Gallery at the moment and keep laughing out loud!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Dysons are cheap now?

My faith in large companies was somewhat bolstered today. A month ago I bought a Dyson off ebay for about £30, it said that it was reconditioned. It worked great for a couple of weeks then promptly blew up (with smoke n all). I rang the Dyson service line and was chuffed to find out they never charge more than £50 no matter what the repair. When the engineer arrived it got even better, because the Dyson was less than two years old they repaired it for free!!!

I'd recomend them to anyone, have a look -