How to feel miserable as a writer

Look, it was tough gig... okay?

1. Constantly compare yourself to other writers
2. Talk to your family about what you do and expect them to cheer you on
3. Base the suceess of your entire career on one prospect
4. Stick with what you know
5. Undervalue your expertise
6. Let money dictate what you do
7. Bow to societal pressures
8. Only do work that your family would love
9. Do whatever the writers' magazines/ agent guides/ instructional books tell you to do
10. Set unachieveable/ overwhelming goals, to be accomplished by tomorrow

Okay, so this is 'slightly' pinched from something from an anonymous source currently doing the rounds of the interwebs, but the original version was aimed at artists, so I figured a slight re-tuning was needed.  If anyone knows who should get credit for this list please let me know!

An Ipswich arts centre for live music? Nah...

My well-established gripe is that original live music provision in Ipswich is always overlooked when this town gets money for arts development.  I know the reason is that bands are like little self-contained islands, in that they don't naturally work together to get things done for the collective good.  Bands are very friendly and helpful with each other, and mutual support within the Ipswich music scene is the crucial glue that binds it together, but bands have always lacked the consistent 'one voice' approach to the curators of cash that organisations like (for example) the Ipswich hospital band can present.

So what's the answer?  Well we need either a dedicated soul who will co-ordinate all us loser-musicians (possible I guess), or we need someone at the council with enough vision and passion to take one the task of setting up something along the lines of Norwich or Colchester Arts Centre, but sadly I don't think that's going to happen.  It's harsh truth, but one that must be acknowledged that lack of public money has always held back musicians in Ipswich.  There are some GREAT pubs to play in here in Ipswich, but commercial pressures can sometimes be an unhelpful influence (and just plain daunting) to anyone wishing to break out of the practise room and into the live music arena.

Suffolk PA Hire company Universal PA proved the need for a Arts Centre sized venue
in Ipswich by putting on The Stiff Little Fingers at the (now defunct)
Ipswich Caribbean Association, the event sold out quickly.

You may wonder I'm talking in terms of public money instead of private, and the reason is that alarmingly setting up the mid-size live music venue (like Norwich or Colchester Arts Centre) that Ipswich desperately needs is unlikely (at first) to be a profitable venture.  Good arts funding isn't about making a buck, it's about inspiring and facilitating something admittedly intangible but unquestionably positive for a very large group of people.

So while projects like the recently announced Ipswich arts 'hub' are an outstandingly positive move forward for Ipswich arts, I don't think anyone playing original music should get too excited just yet.  But hey, if you want to be the person who takes on the challenge of setting up an Arts centre style venue then I'll do everything I can to help you, in fact I think if someone were brave enough to stand up and be a figurehead for this campaign then he or she would be pleasantly surprised when they looked over their shoulder and saw just how many people were stood behind them backing them up.

---

UPDATE
There is now an 'Ipswich Arts Centre' website which has been created to discuss this idea http://www.ipswichartscentre.co.uk/

Against Me + Crazy Arm @ Norwich Arts Centre 21/11/11

Written for Lights Go out zine

Vicky from Crazy Arm lends Against Me! a hand.

Against Me! have gone through a lot of stylistic and directional changes over the years, and each time I've seen them the joyful passion they exude on stage gets more intense, but bands can't stay on top forever can they?  Can they?  Read on...

We missed the first band on due to the fact the modern marvel that is the cash machine is yet to grace the streets of Norwich, not that we could see anyhow, but then we are but simple folk from the rural village of Ipswich dazzled by the bright lights of a big city (as the lovely Pete 'Mild' Peril pointed out).

Crazy Arm were not at all what we were expecting - normally we enjoy punk rock tinged with Country about as much as ice cream tinged with dog toffee - but Crazy Arm played with all the intensity of power-sander dentistry, and packed a punch like a nuclear powered erm (bear with me while I look around my desk for inspiration) stapler. Okay, I guess that analogy doesn't work, but Crazy Arm were the perfect kissing cousins to Against Me (quite literally, as Tom Gabel was later to disclose from the stage).

Against Me! frontman @TommyGabel drew a single breath to introduce the band then they pounded through an extremely eclectic set of very old, not so old and brand new material.  I've seen this band a bunch of times but never somewhere as small as Nickers. Off. Ready. When. I. Come. Home. Arts Centre and the power blasting from the stage was almost a little overwhelming at times. Almost.  There a lot of young kids in the audience which is heartening, because Against Me are a band that just keep getting better and better.

The highlight of the set for me was when Vicky from Crazy Arm joined the band on stage for a spine shattering version of 'Bourne on the FM waves of the heart' - a song I never thought I'd get to see live.

I passionately love a lot of bands, but for me Against Me are a level higher - they're a band I wish I was in.

Too soon it was over and we headed back to Ipswich, a town where they now turn the lights off at midnight.

Andrew Culture

The Ugly Truth About Ipswich

The Ugly Truth About Ipswich is a compilation album that my record label (CornDog Records) put out in conjunction with local heroes Antigen Records. I raised the money for this album with a LOT of help from fellow ZEEBer Graham Mann - we organised a ton of gigs and a hilarious inter-band football tournament (a nod also needs to be given to Marc Newby/ Aflightoremember who also organised a fundraiser all-dayer) and then when the considerable amount of money required to put out an album properly was sat in the pot we did nothing...

...Noting for a few years anyway, because we realised there was a whole load of licencing issues involved in putting an album that would cover the last thirty years of Ipswich music. That’s when Jason and Roki of Antigen Records politely tapped us on the shoulder and offered to do all the complex stuff we’re crap at.

So here is, and for just £1 you can buy a copy of The Ugly Truth About Ipswich in most good shops or direct from Antigen records.


The ugly details...
antigen 41 / Corn 017 Various Artists - The Ugly Truth About Ipswich

Release date: 23/4/11
Format: double CD
Edition: 1000
Duration: 2:33:50

Track listing: CD A1.Nik Kershaw - All About You
2.elephant - Kick
3.Henry Homesweet - Toaster
4.The Waxing Captors - Bringing the Beatles Back to Hamburg
5.Versions - Seven
6.Ideals - Love Song
7.Life & Times Of - Ballet
8.Jack Rundell - You Treat Me Like a Businessman
9.The B. Goodes - Sleep So Soundly
10.Rosalita - Manga Girl
11.Underline The Sky - Katie
12.Charlie Brown - Hooray For Snakes
13.Violent Playground - Paranoia
14.Bring Back Her Head - Magpie
15.Hex Minora - Engine of Correction
16.Earth Mother Fucker - I Fuck Therefore I Am
17.Pindown - Flea Circus
18.Tender Lugers - Junkie Fag Hag
19.Jah Warriors - Bad Vibes
20.BangStick - I Got Nothing
21.These Are End Times - End Times (We Are All Condemned)

Track listing: CD 1
1.The Adicts - Songs of Praise
2.Extreme Noise Terror - Religion is Fear
3.Optimum Wound Profile - Pure Love
4.The Stupids - Drumshop Arsehole
5.Anihilated - A Cruel Twist of Fate
6.Raw Noise - Bronson
7.Blacktop Harrison - 37 Thoughts
8.Zeeb? - Amoeba Man
9.Red Flag 77 - Hard Men
10.Chocolate - Customer
11.Big Ray - Duckpin
12.Elmerhassel - Almost At One
13.Panorama In Black - City of Dreams
14.As Is - Love is Here
15.Bleach - Burn
16.Lovejunk - Inside Out
17.Perfect Daze - Bubblegum
18.Junk Culture - Keep Smiling
19.WhiteSlug - Corned Beef Sex Monster
20.Big In Albania - Shewolves Ov London
21.Cats Against The Bomb - Nerys Hughes Vs The Time Tunnel
22.Danger's Close - Denial
23.Space Maggots - You Drag Me Down
24.The Ballistics - Long Time Dead



Ugly Truth About Ipswich Links
Buy a copy from Antigen Records...
Ugly Truth About Ipswich Facebook page...

Beat Motel #9 in Zine World #29

Apparently issue #9 of my zine Beat Motel is reviewed in two concurrent issues of Zine World! See the previous post to this one for the other review.

Beat Motel #9 review in Zine World #28

Here's a nice review of issue #9 of my zine 'Beat Motel' that I have just found in the awesome 'Zine World #28'.  Huge thanks to Stephanos of http://beersihaveknown.blogspot.com for sending it over.
P.s it's not clip art, it's scans from very old magazines.

Buying beer in New England

This is an excerpt from an American travelogue Sam Page and I wrote a few years ago, I posted this for the reading pleasure of Stephanos a.k.a. 'Beers I have known blog'.


...Jim took us to his favourite off-licence/ liquor store. Sam and I were agog at the sheer size of this place; it was bigger than most wholesale warehouses I’ve seen. Jim was keen to show us the microbrewery isle. Calling it an isle just doesn’t do it justice, it was more like a small continent of ale, there are principalities in Europe smaller than this isle. Sam and I slowly made our way down the row studying every beer with a similar demeanour employed by folk slowly wandering through fine art galleries.

Left to right is me, Sam Page and  our host Jim Reily
(I'm pretty sure Jim should have been holding a steering wheel, but...)

Each beer was only given a few bottles width of space on each shelf, and the racking was five or six shelves high, I have never seen so much beer in all my life, let alone real ale! One of Sam’s favourites came from the Frank Zappa brewery, and had the cover of ‘We're Only in It for the Money’ on the label.

We could have spent hours in that store, but as we only had a little while before we needed to pick Drew up we grabbed some half gallon flagons of milk stout and headed for the checkouts. On the way out I was stunned to see some St.Peters beers, they’re (made just a few miles from my house in Suffolk).

As I walked up the second isle of ale I was astounded to see countless more beers from England, mind you, they weren’t cheap ($20 for six bottles of Stella Artois my arse). While I was amazed to see more English beers than I’d ever seen in England my mind boggled at the logistics, let alone the food miles.

In the same way that I always look for my own band’s CDs in record shops, no trip to an off-licence is complete without checking out what single malts are in stock. Sure enough they had all my favourites, but oh my - they were expensive; with the odd exception of Bowmore, which worked out at just ten pounds a bottle. I rushed like a child to tell Sam of my discovery and had a short but enthusiastic chat about whisky with him before my eye was caught by an entire isle of vodka. I’m not a fan of vodka - in fact it’s probably the quickest way to empty my body of all bile in a most uncivil way - but I am a fan of gawping at obscure alcohol.

As I stumbled along the rows staring slack jawed at the pretty labels I suddenly became aware of the fact I was being followed. With the amount of childish running around that I had been doing I entirely expected the two large blurry objects in my peripheral vision to be security guards. I moved to the next isle. Each time I shuffled forward I heard the sound of stiff soles on plastic flooring echoing my own footsteps. I decided to face the music and casually turned round. I tried to look relaxed enough not to give off an air of guilt, but also so that I could try and feign some sort of innocent surprise when I got my collar felt. It’s very confusing being middle class, if you’ve ever felt guilty for no reason while being followed by a police car you’ll know exactly what I mean. Much to my surprise my stalkers were a middle aged couple who look more surprised than I when I turned to them. After a slightly awkward pause the man lent forward slightly and said in a low and quiet voice,

“The whisky is back over on the row by the doors.”

I guess he had heard me chatting with Sam and assumed I couldn’t find the whisky. I thanked him earnestly, and walked to the tills. This couple summed up the feeling I got from most people in New England - everyone is quite happy to give their neighbours the space to go about their business without interference, but are more than willing to gently help out if they think you are wanting for something. It’s a very endearing way to be. This couple will never know that they were the first piece of what developed into a great jigsaw puzzle of affection I feel for New England.

Lost in words - a Beat Motel special edition

Cover illustration by Mr. Millerchip

The glorious 'Sticky Institute' (a.k.a. Sticky Distro) in Australia put out a call to zinesters they have stocked asking them to make a special edition zine to raise some cash to keep their doors open.  There really is nothing like Sticky in the UK (certainly not that I know of) so by my reckoning it ought to be supported by anyone who has ever read or created a zine.  Although my zine Beat Motel hasn't done much recently I decided to flog its good name for any remaining good will that might be lurking and have created a (sort of) special edition.

Whereas Beat Motel was traditionally a home for music, daft band interviews, columnists and toilet humour the special edition is a collection of (very) short bits of fiction by yours truely, with a few other contributions chucked in to queer the quality curve.

Twenty Five copies of 'Lost in words' were printed and posted to Sticky to flog at a big zine event they were reprazenting, but due to the gloriously odd economics of zine printing I printed a few extra (not many mind) and if you're quick enough with your mouse and your typing digits you can buy one of these extra special Beat Motel editions.

This story zine contains the following stories

• Compulsory random life obsolescence
• Dig for Victor
• Duck stuck in fence
• Football and machismo turned to my advantage, finally!
• Malcolm’s rest
• The curious case of the late night knocker
• The jumping, scratching, dog squirt story
• The feet with a thousand followers
• Ask your body
• Crossing paths
• It wasn’t pink
• Time to think by Jason Last
• Possible proposition outside Aldgate Underground Station
• The curious incident of the black ties and the fake taxi
• Debt to Music by Jenny May
• DUI by Rich Rurshell

Buy Lost in Words story zine

Prices (postage is FREE)
UK £2
Europe £3
USA/ Australia/ Wordwide (£4)

Where do you live?

UK £2.00 Europe £3.00 USA/ Australia/ Worldwide £4.00